The feelings.....

My dear friends,

It has been years since I last wrote a post. Many things happened during the past years. We go through very hard pandemic time. I was unemployed for three years during the pandemic and then I've change my workplace.....again. I gained some weight (not liking it), both my daughters are already adults and many other things. Alhamdulillah, I'm still breathing, alive, well and with rational thinking.

It is almost end of the July now, meaning half of the year is already passed. Hhmn....it's just that I'm not sure if I've achieved anything. Have you ever feel that way......not accomplishing anything. That is what I'm feeling right now. I'm writing my thoughts here hoping that I can reflect and find solution for this feeling. Sometimes, when you put your feelings in writing, you can see it clearer.....that's what I'm hoping.

Anyway, I'll take more effort to share more of my experience, feelings and many more here.

Have a great day everybody. 

The art of teaching

My dear friends,

When you are a women, most people assume that you can teach. Especially when you are a mother. What more when you are a nurse. Yes, off course you can teach because one the nurses role is to be a teacher. REALLY??? Do you REALLY BELIEVE that? Hhmnnn ......

Please don't get me wrong. I am nurse myself. I was a nurse educator. I've been in nursing for over 20 years now. Yes, some nurses give advice, some do teach and they do teach well but some others, they can't teach. They just can't transmit the knowledge to other people. They just don't have the skill and not everybody is born with the teaching skill. Doesn't matter whether you are a women or men. I believe teachers will definitely agree with me on this.

Why am I bringing this matter up? I will tell you why.

When I was a newly graduate nurse, I had a problem in learning my new role in the ward. There were many things thatI had to learn or search by my own. You know...... the old school way ...... the 'find out youself or you'll never learn' style. If you ask, you'll get scolded but if you don't ask, you will still get scolded and you may not even get the answer. But because you are also from the old school, you don't really mind. Most probably, that is the only way they know how to teach or they just don't know how to teach. Since then, I determine to learn the proper method of theaching so that I can help others by teaching them effectively and ....... guess what?  I went for a teaching methodology class.

Now, I'm back to the clinical area. An area that is full with new things to learn. An area where you'll always see new faces coming to join the nursing team. Yes, this is an area where the newly graduated nurses will come in to get their first real nursing experience. So, supposingly the organisation should have prepare this area with someone who can really teach them how to survive in this new working environment. I believe that they still assume that everybody or anybody can teach. They assign nurses who are experienced but not trained to teach. They tag the new staff with another staff. The new will get all the scolding whenever they make any mistakes. So, what did we learn? .......... nothing.


The ART of TEACHING need to be learn. There are organisation that offer courses for this. For those who always need to teach the new nurses ............. please get some help with your teaching skills. SCOLDING is not a teaching. YELLING is not teaching. SARCASM is not teaching. We are in the 21st century ..... everything is a click away. Click and upgrade yourself ....... then you can help others better.

Smart or Right Decision

Dear friends,

     
     Making decision is not always easy. Sometimes, when you have all the facts and you'll come into a conclusion and you decide. Sometimes, you don't have any fact but still, you have to conclude and decide. The thing is, whatever decision you make, you'll try to make the smartest, the best and the most right decision. But in real life, a 100%  perfect decision is just impossible. Whatever decision you make, you'll always take some percentage of risk.

   Why am I grumbling about making decision? It's just to answer some queries about why I quit my job. A decision that seems unwisely taken. (at least to people who doesn't know me)

     Deciding to leave my job was not an easy decision but thanks to my boss (ex-boss now), she has make it easier for me. The thought of leaving ..... was there for quite sometimes. Why? Because the job is killing me bits by bits (metaphorically .....) So, why did I accept the job in the first place? Hhmnn .....let me think. Oh, yes! Initially, I was offered with a post that I love to do .....teaching the nursing students. I love to teach and I love nursing. Gradually, I was 'upgraded' to the position that you are not so fond off, then to a position that I don't like (...but still doing it) and later to something that I don't feel right to do.( .....that is from my point of view......and makes me feel guilty)

    When you do something you love, everything seems very clear and bright but when you do something that you don't like, all the things seems to be shadowed by a dark cloud. The worst thing is, when you do something that is against your values and ethics belief, you feel like you are chased by your own guilt all the time. I just can't live with that kind of feelings, so I make up my mind, take any possible risk .........quit my job.

So, that is how I came to my conclusion and why I make the decision. Maybe, it is not my smartest decision ever but somehow it feels the most right decision I ever make for years. Sometimes, you just can't include both smart and right into your decision and you just have to choose one.

I've make my decision, please pray for my best.

Soft ...... not weak

Hi friends,

It has been a while since my last writing in this blog. I haven't stop writing but I believe some of my writings are too personal to share so, I just wrote it in my special writing book. Anyway, here I am again.

I have been a jobless soul for five months now. How does it feel? Hhmnn...... sometimes it feels very nice (no jokes .... it's true), sometimes it is depressing, sometimes .... stressful and sometime it is an unexplained feeling. It is just a mix feeling.

Anyway, one of my concern friend refers me to an organisation for a post and they called me for an interview. It was very nice to have the feelings of being wanted again. I went for the interview and everything ran smoothly.

So, what's the problem? Actually, there was no problem at all. It's just that what I add into the description of myself to make sure that people will not judge me just from my physical appearance. I told the interviewer that I'm naturally a soft person. I may look soft, I am a soft spoken person, sometimes I giggle when I'm anxious but I'm NOT a WEAK person. And she said  " I can't judge you only by your physical appearance in 30 minutes. I will still need to do an assessment based on your performance." Hhmn....... I like her already.

YES! You can't penalised a person just because she is a soft person. Just because she is physically soft, doesn't mean that she can't handle the position. Look at the resume, look at the achievement, give her a test or something before coming to a statement that YOU ARE TOO SOFT FOR THE POSITION. Anyway, I'm not applying to be a soldier or a policeman .

What I'm trying to say is ....please DO NOT perceive softness as a weakness. People can look physically soft but yet they are mentally and spiritually strong and vice versa.  As a woman, I'll be very proud if a person perceive me a soft woman because that is just natural but never ever perceive softness as a weakness because it can be demoralising.

Goodnight my friends

Practice makes perfect but nobody's perfect ...... so, why bother to practice?

Yes, people says practise makes perfect but then we also say that nobody is perfect. Which of this is really true? Contradicting right? Then, if nobody is perfect, why bother to practise anyway? Hhmnnn ....... good question?

Yeah! It is contradicting ...... if you say it together and it is even worse if you say it to an adolescent. This was the topic that somehow started with my sister on our journey back from a wedding yesterday. Reflecting it over and over .......... it can be quite confusing and funny.

Yes! Funny. It's funny how our brain works. It always think a way on how to protect the way we feel or how we want to feel about something. Doesn't matter whether it's right or wrong, our mind always has the way on how to protect ourselves.

I'm not a perfectionist but I do want the things that I do to be as perfect as it can. Of course, nobody is perfect. I believe that as long as we are human, we will never be 100% perfect. There's always room for improvement. There's always something to learn and something new to explore. There are new things everyday. Always something different to be found each day. If that is the case, how can we call ourselves as perfect .... agree?

If that is the case, why do we have to practise then?  Of course we have to practise. This is just something came from a very creative but yet manipulative mind. We have to practise with the things or skills that we are not good with until we are good with it. Not to say that we are 100% skillful but we are sure that we can do it safely. That's perfect. Anyway, that's only one tiny part of our life ....... far from being a perfect person.

So, think about it. Are we perfect? Do we need the practise for perfection? In the end, we want our life to be good. Or course, we will never be 100% perfect but at least the practise will make us good at something. Agree?

Money, love and happiness

I had a short conversation with my friend after a swimming lesson on Saturday. It was on the evergreen topic ....... MONEY. Yeah! We can't deny that we need money and it is one of the most important aspect of our life. Some will need the money just to maintain the everyday life. Some will struggle for some extra money to have a better tomorrow and maybe for some others, it is just to add into what they already have. So, the needs of having money does not limit to any person despite of the status, the purpose or even the amount of money they already have. Basically, everybody in this world need money but the thing is ....... how much do you need or how much of money will make you happy?

 Are you happy now or  will you be happier if you have more money? Only you ... yourself ....can answer this question.

People says  money doesn't but happiness but how true it is ............ it's up to the individual. If you ask me ........ I will agree with the statement (to a certain limit). I had some moment which I have some extra money but it didn't make me happy because I did not have my family to share it with me ........... not happy. I'm just a plain family woman and being with family is very important to me. Some people, they will only be happy when they have money because if you have money ........ you can buy lots of things, eat expensive food and obviously, people wants to be with you. People are even nicer to you. Then it reminds me to what my friend said " Money can buy love ........ but not the genuine love". You know what .........? I never thought of that.

Hhmnn ....... money does not buy genuine love. How can I missed that? Maybe because I was just thinking about the happiness. Still thinking about the genuine love vs fake love. Yeah ...... I think that is also very true. That is why the ladies are running for the rich man and the guys are running for the rich ladies (vice versa) Maybe, they are just running for the money, not the person. Hhmnn .... no wonder I'm still single. Maybe because I don't have the money he..he..

Whatever it is, again ..... it's up the the individual. It's up to you. There's no right or wrong in this matter. It's your life, you have the right how to manage you life. Whether you prioritize the money or family or career, it's your choice. I think, the most important thing is, do something that will make you happy. Do it because you want to ....... not because of anybody else.Whether you're seeking for money, love or happiness, I believe ...... the best is to balance all the three.

Life is short. Let us make the best of it.

What goes around .... comes around.

I truly believe that what ever you do in this life, it will comes back to us. If you do good, then good things will come to us but if you do otherwise, we will just just get accordingly too. Life is just a circle and it goes round and round. One day you will be on the top and some other day you might just end up at the bottom.

Yesterday, me and my colleague were just chit-chatting of what's happening in our organization. Some part-time or contract based staffs were not re-contracted after their contract finishes. The part-timer are no longer called for their services. We are just talking and trying to project about the things that's going to happen to us in the near future. Suddenly, one of my colleague came out with issues of immunity. It seems there are few people who seems to be immune or having such a high resistant toward all the commotions and she was mentioning about this particular person. This person doesn't seems to be worry even though she/he is not like by most people in the organization and  still happily putting harsh statements to other people. The thing is ........... this person is very,very well appreciated by the top management. Doesn't matter how many complains about this person, nothing will happen to her/him. So, we were wondering.

Yes, nothing happened .......YET! Sometimes, you can never tell what's going to happen to you. We must just be prepared. This person has been having this inappropriate attitude for as long as I knew the name. (about three years now). People keeps complaining about this person attitude but the miracle is ........... nothing bad happen to this person. Miracle isn't it?

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not praying for something bad to happen to this person but I'm just amazed with how ALLAH plans life for us. Subhanallah.

A PERSON with 100% immunity .......................... do they really exist? Me.....? I believe that as long as we are human, we will never be 100% immune to what we call life. In life, there's always up and down. There will always be a bumpy area even in the smooth highway. It's just how life is.

Some people are happy with hurting other people feelings. They claimed themselves as being out spoken but dont really understand the meaning of being out spoken. Being out spoken doesn't mean you can just say what ever you want without thinking of what other people might feel. Dressing up beautifully, covering all the aurat and claimed yourself as a Muslim but yet you raised you voice in every conversation and make all the inappropriate statements to anybody you like ......... what type of person are you?

I'm not commenting on any person in particular. What ever I'm writing is just from my reflections to remind me to always do good and feels good for others. I can also be very BOLD sometimes, but most of the time I'll try my best to use an appropriate words to say even when I'm angry. You'll never know how long you will be in this life or where will you be tomorrow or day after.  We can only pray for something good will be granted to us for all the good effort we put but only ALLAH knows what HE planned for us. It's only HE can decide the good and the bad for us but for every good deeds, Insyaallah good things will happen and vice versa. Whatever it is .......I still believe ....What goes around, will comes around.

There's no harm to dream ......it's free anyway.

Last night while I was browsing the internet, my daughter suddenly asked me to browse the picture of lamborghini cars. So, we searched for lamborghini cars image. Wow! the cars .... the kind that makes you drools. Such a beautiful car with great specifications. Immediately it caught my eyes and I select one the image to be the background of my desktop screen. Seeing my action, my daughter burst into laugh. She said 'Ma ... it's only in your dream'. Then I replied ' Sayang ....., there's no harm to dream. Success starts with a dream'.

Yes! There's no harm to dream and it's free anyway.  Actually, most of our success started with a dream. Most successful people started their story with a dream. They never stop to have their dreams and pursue it to make it real and ...... why are we stopping? Hhmnn ......then, I started reflecting my life. I think ..... lately, I don't have any dreams. That is why I feel that my life becaming so routine. I became too comfortable, too lazy to try new things, too much mumbling and grumbling.  Too comfortable that makes me so reluctant to try and venture into other things and this is NOT me. Not me at all. I used to have lots of dreams. Dreams that push me to move forward, dreams that gives me ideas, dreams that makes me who I am but now ....... I'm not sure.

Does it sound familiar to you? If it is, it means it's time to have a new dream. Dream that will lead us forward and becomes a better person with a better life, Insyaallah. Life is too short to waste and time will never wait for us. We must start to have a dream and pursue it through. Make it happen. Those who still have their dreams, congratulation to all of you. Don't stop. Dream for a better future.

My friends, doesn't matter how old we are, we should not stop to have a dream. There's no age limit and again ...... why should we stop? Just ask yourself because there's no harm to dream ..... it's free anyway.

I have a dream

Value of A Certificate

The last one and a half month, I've been reflecting, reflecting and reflecting but can't really see much from what I  was reflecting about. I'm just confused with my goals that I've set for my life. Last week, I started to come back to the centre of my mind, moving towards my goals again ....... hopefully. That's the explanation why I have been quiet from my writing.

Now,coming back to the reality, I'm actually struggling to finish my thesis. This is my last chance  It's very hard to juggle between being a parent, a teacher and a student at the same time. I always remind myself about the reason I did it in the first place, just to motivate myself. I know, it's not easy but it's not impossible. So, I will just struggle myself through.

If you know that you have work hard to get something that you want, then it will be meaningful. Lately, I'm seeing the trend of just getting things in an easy way. They said " if you have money, everything will be okay". I didn't really get it in the first place because I thought, if you are in an academic institution, then everybody will be struggling study like I do. But the thing is, some people don't really struggle for any of the certificate they have. You must just have money for it.

Of course you should have money for it because you will have to pay fees and other charges. At least that is what I thought. But I was not smart enough. You must just be smart and get other people to do it for you and you just have to pay them. What?? Really??

Yes, there are people who pay other people to do all the assignment for them. Hhmnn ....... they must be having a lot of money, right? But that is not the point. The point is ......... where is the value of the certificate that you get from the course that you are taking? How would you feel ........ having appreciation for something that you do not do? And the biggest issue  is ........ why did you do it in the first place? I just don't understand.

If you don't want to something ....... just don't do it. Why do you have to things that you don't really want to do? Why do you want to have a certificate just because other people is having the certificate? Why do you have to lie to other people and the worst of all ....... why do you have to lie to yourself?

I'm not pointing to anybody and I don't even have a written proof to show who's doing it. It's just that I happened to know somebody who did it and that person is not in the country any more but I believe there are people who's still doing it and it's not ethical.

I'm just writing this just to remind  my friends and also myself of the value of our achievement in our life. Success in life is evaluated in lots of different angle of achievement and can be very subjective. Just because other people achieved higher in academic, doesn't mean they are successful in life but having a meaningful achievement, will later bring success to our life.

We should lead the right path for the later generation. For those who wants to achieve more or higher in you academic achievement, please make it a value able and a meaningful achievement.
The word is ....... BE HONEST TO YOURSELF.

Leaders vs Bosses

Last year, I've attended a class of 'Leadership and Management' and I've to do an assignment on my organisation leadership and management style. My assignment ...... wasn't that good but what I found in the organisation ........ very, very interesting.

Nowadays, people always refer the top people in the organisation as LEADERS. Are they really LEADERS? Do they really lead you to something or they just tell you what to do ..... which also known as BOSSES? Just think about it. Which one do you prefer? A LEADER or a BOSS?

Hhmnn......... easy question ....... the answer ....... quite a dilemma.

'Hah! Why make things so complicated?' (At least that is what one of my friend said).'Leaders or bosses ..... what's the different ......they are still our superior'.

Yeah ........ agree ..... for both issues. First, I do sometimes make things a little bit complicated and leaders and bosses, they are the superior people. But .......... LEADERS and BOSSES are not the same and personally, I would prefer to be with the LEADERS instead of BOSSES.( ....if I have the choices)

So, what's the different between LEADERS and BOSSES? Okay, I'll just use what my friend paste on her desk. We'll just see if it's true.

1)    The BOSS drives his men.
       The LEADER inspire them.

It's true, it's true ...... bosses will just give orders and instructs the subordinate or the workers what to do. No question should be ask because they are the bosses. So, you'll just need to do what was told but LEADERS do not need to tell their people what to do because they just have that aura that really inspire people to do things.

2)   The BOSS depends on authority
      The LEADERS depends on goodwill.

Hhmnn ........ how many times have you seen that? Stressing on the power that they have ....?

3)   The BOSS evokes fear
      The LEADER radiates love.

Sounds familiar? Some even try as much as possible to avoid their BOSSES.

4)   The BOSS says "I"
      The LEADER says "we"

This is happening in lots of organisation. The BOSSES can't really focus on other people besides themselves. So, how can they see the "we".

5)   The BOSS shows who is wrong
      The LEADER shows what is wrong.

This ...... definitely happening in my work place. It's confirmed ...... I have a BOSS.

6)   The BOSS knows how it is done
      The LEADER know to do it.

That's why BOSSES always instruct. They just want the result but they will not show how to do it because most of the time ................ they don't know how do do it. (he..he..he..)

7)   The BOSS demands respect
      The LEADER commands respect.

Of course, the BOSSES want you to respect them and of course people will respect them when they are in-front of the BOSSES. Behind them ........ only ALLAH knows but LEADERS ....... people will just respect them where ever the go.

Can you see now ...... there are differences between BOSSES and LEADERS. What do you think? Is it true? Hopefully, it will help you reflect again on the issue. At least it did help me really think about it and sum up with all the theories I learnt in the classes.

My friends, I believe, it's easier to be a BOSS than to be a LEADER and it's even more fun to be a BOSS than to be a LEADER but it's totally  up to the individual whether to be a BOSS or to be a LEADER. Insyaallah, all of us will be a good LEADER one day.

'Special' people

Are you special?

What make you special?

If you gets lot of A's in your exam ....... does it makes you special?
If you are related to the royalty or celebrities .......... does it makes you special?
If you work with the top management people and rubbing shoulders with all the Dato' or Tan Sri ..... does that makes you extra special?

So, ....... what's my point? My point is .......it's only you can make yourself special.

Last month, someone park at my car park which is located for me by the company with the car number written on the lot. I want to get angry but to get angry for a parking space .......... not really worth the energy. So, I just  keep things cool and just left a message telling the car owner that the parking space is allocated for me, and I'm working everyday and I need the parking space.

So, the next day, the same car park at my parking space again. I was like hurgghh!!! Trying not to be angry ..... but I'm just a human okay. What I did was ...... I just park my car behind that car with the s****d owner.

Ha..ha..ha .. just guess what happened? Chaos ....... it was chaotic because I'm kind of blocking the traffic a little (but it was fun!!) and somebody came to warned me that I must beware of my action because I've park behind a 'special' persons' car. The person is a 'special' person to Dato'. I was like .......'are you kidding me?'

So, coming back to the topic .....'special' people. What makes the 'special' person to Dato' very, very special that she can just ignore my note and just park at my car park? What makes her so special that I have  to beware of my action? Just because she is a 'special' person to Dato' does not mean she is special to everybody or can just be rude to everybody. Right?? I had to move my car to another place but I'm satisfied because I got my message noticed and got my car park back the next day.

Aren't we all special? I believe I am special, my children are special, my families are special, my friends and everybody around me are special on their own way. We must believe, we are special in our own way. Some  human is blessed and chosen by ALLAH to be more special than others but that is a whole different story. But we are also blessed with our own speciality. Acknowledge yourselves. There's no one can make you less special except yourself.

My 'Special' 

When the cup is always full

Knowledge is learning something every day. Wisdom is letting something go every day. – Zen Proverb

Hi! Happy Chinese New Year.

'When your cup is always full, you can't learn anything my dear'. That was what my lecturer said to my friend when she argued about her assignment with him. I didn't really catch the real meaning of it at that time, maybe because I was young or maybe because my cup was just empty he..he.. 


Anyway, I'm writing on this because I came across this quote again and again and last night my mom was so angry with my dad and she said that my dad is someone who is 'cerdik tak boleh diikut, bodoh tak boleh diajar'( in Malay) which means almost the same thing. It means someone who refuse to accept other people suggestion or any new input. Then, I thought I should reflect on this quote/proverb.


Or course, if you think you are very smart, knows everything, you will want people to follow you instead of you following the people. I can truly understand that because we like things to be done in our way. We like people to respect us for having the knowledge.We feel very proud if our suggestion being implemented and more if our names are printed anywhere near our work. Aren't  we? So, why should we be listening to others? 


But learning is a never ending process. Process is a continuous procedure and  knowledge is about learning something every day. Then, how can a person claimed to know everything? How can a person claimed to have all the knowledge? If a person, a human being knows everything ...... does that mean he doesn't has to learn anything more. That is so ....... impossible.


But the things that we thought it is impossible ...... is actually the thing happening in our environment. It's happening around us and amazingly, it happens a lot in my work place. Some of the people who I work with think that they know everything. They are professionals, academician which should be learning more  (at least .... that is what I thought) but they are the people who refused to learn. They want you to listen to them. They even cut off your conversation, so that you will listen to what they had to say. They would not take your suggestion because they have a better one. They know everything because they ' kami lebih dulu makan garam' (it means that they are more experience)


As a human being, we accept that we are not perfect but why are we pretending that we know everything. We should be learning everyday and whether we realize it or not, there's always a new thing to be learn each day. It's not necessary a big thing or an academic thing but there's always things to be learn. Age is not the limit. Doesn't matter how old we are, they should be always a space for learning. The question is ........ whether we want to learn or not. It is totally up to us.


My friends, we must never stop learning but we think that we know everything about everything. We can't learn if the cup is always full. Learning is an ongoing process. Maybe, we should start with making some space in our tea cup. Then we can fill in with some new tea.

Knowledge is learning something every day. Wisdom is letting something go every day. – Zen Proverb

IQ vs EQ

People say that when you are smarter, you are more mature. When you are more mature, then you can handle more things in life smoothly. Is that true? Me.... ? I fully doubt that.

Intelligent quotient (IQ) is a tool to measure how intelligent you are. It's just a general measurement of how smart you are in the general population. According to the test, most people will fall under the 'average' category. Have you done any IQ test? You should. It's fun but when you got a high score, it's not necessarily says that you are smarter from those who have lower score.

Emotional quotient (EQ) is also a tool and it measures your emotional coping mechanism. It shows how good you handle your problems and stresses. The higher you score, you are a better person in handling your problems and stresses.

There is no doubt that IQ and EQ are closely related but it's not necessarily congruently progress. Supposedly, when you have higher IQ, you are smarter and you should be smarter in handling the stress. Hhmnn ...... I fully doubt that. Maybe it happen in theory but in real life ....... it's not necessarily work that way. Sometimes it even goes totally to the opposite way.

Let me just bring you through my recent experience in my work place. 

November and December are the busiest months of the year in my organization. Why ...? These are the time when most people trying to clear up their annual leave, lots of dateline to reach, budgets to sum, contract to renew and the whole long list of things to be done before the new year comes. One of my colleague, a foreigner, was due for his renewal of contract on that particular November. Unfortunately, the boss met him and told the bad news of the probability of not continuing the working contract and he must go home. Then, the EQ kicked in.

We understand that he was in a lot of stress but he is a professional with lot of experiences. He is a man with high academic background, middle age (suppose to have more life experiences), with family around him. So, we thought he should be handling the stress well. Some of the colleagues even helped him look for other places for any suitable position for him to prepare him for the worst. Instead of preparing himself for the worst, he changed for the worst. His attitude was totally changed. He started to scold  the students and ignore other people suggestion. He doesn't want to listen to anything. He started to collect enemies. Soon, other colleague just leave him on his own.

It is amazing how the level of EQ affect you. Doesn't matter how high is your IQ, it doesn't mean that they can cope with the stress very well. When it come to problems and stresses, anybody can have a breakdown .........even the smartest person in the world.

The most important thing is to know yourself. Whether you are a university graduate or just a secondary school leaver, we are just equal when it comes to handling our problems and stresses. Then, know yourself, identify the problem and evaluate yourself whether you need any extra support in handling your problem. There are lot of support out there for us to seek.

Do not let your super ego override you. High IQ does not guaranteed  a high EQ. Lower IQ does not mean you have lower EQ. Coping well with life = IQ + EQ.

Good feeling for others

I love to read the article by Bridget Menezes in the Sun newspaper. She has a small column there every Monday that really inspire me and makes me think and re-think about what's happening in our day life activities. It's amazing when you reflect on your life and compare it with now and then. It's amazing to just follow up on the path of how we grow physically, socially or even emotionally. I believe, she has touched and inspire lot of other people feelings. Well done.

Anyway, last Monday (9/1/2012), she wrote about how good feeling for others can foster closeness and give you happiness. Let us just pause for a while and think about it. Yes! It's true. If you are happy, and you feel good about other people and feel good for them, it will just make you even happier. Amazing right?. Simple .... but yet ...works!

Nowadays, most people ( at least some people around me at the moment) tend to see and  think negatively about other people. Especially when they don't really know you and even worse when they don't like you. Nothing seems to be right or good when it comes from you. They are always paranoid (bad thoughts) about you. These people will always blame other people for any bad things happened to them. For example, if they are suddenly fall sick, then it is cause by someone who is jealous of them and has put some charms on them. That why they got sick.( I thought it was the microorganism .... he.he). When they failed to do or get something, then it is also because of some other people. Looking on how they view life, their life must be very hectic and miserable because they must always find somebody to blame for what's happening to them. What a life!

There was one day that I accompanied my friend to meet her friend. Her friend also brought a friend  to accompanied him. After a while, his friend said to me ' You don't like me ...... do you?. I was like 'Haa..? with my mouth wide open. How can a person like or don't like a person when you don't even know the person. That is how easy to have bad feelings toward others.

Am I complaining now? Hhmn... maybe I'm also infected and affected by all this not good feeling or ........ maybe I'm just ventilating. It's good to ventilate once in a while.

It's actually true that we must have happiness in ourselves and maintain it by having good feelings toward others. Be positive in life. Believe in yourself. Have faith. We must always remember that we are just human. We make mistake. It's good if someone can identify our mistakes and tell us about it. So, we can correct and learn from it. We must learn how to accept healthy criticism. We must learn how to accept challenges without manifesting withdrawal or aggression. As Miss Menezes said in her article, we must not let our ego to be too attached to ourselves because it can easily hurt us and make us lack of confidence.

These are all what we were thought by our parents, teachers, religion and all others before us. We were thought to be good to others, to treat others well, to feel good for others. Somehow, along the way some of us lost it bit by bit. This shouldn't be happening.

Dear friends, let us continue feeling good for others and hopefully we will be bless with the everlasting happiness, Insyaallah.

Holding to your principles

Hello everybody! I think it's not that late to wish everybody Happy New Year.

Talking about new year, most people will never fail to ask you about your new year resolution. Hmnn.... a new year resolution. Is it a must to have a new year resolution? I think, it's up to the individual whether they should or shouldn't have one. However, I do have my own new year resolution and it actually started earlier on the first day of the Islamic calendar, the first Muharram. Today, I'm just emphasizing myself on my resolution.

So, what is my new year resolution? You really want to know? I guess, I must tell you on how I got it first.

The last two years, I was quite unhappy with my career. One of my ex-lecturer who also work in the same place now once told me that I was not performing. She said, I was not like myself. That was about a year ago and I was so upset about it. I was upset because I was already feeling unhappy with myself back then. Now, even after a year of the incidence, I'm still feeling upset with myself. I don't feel that I am me any more. The last few months, I can't think of anything that I can proud of ..... I mean from my career wise. Reflecting to what my ex-lecturer said, she was right ...... I'm just not being ME. I have to be me again.

BEING ME ....... MY OWN ME ...... Yes ! That's my new year resolution. I want to be me again. Being somebody who is very strong and firm but yet adorable (he..he.. just to feel nice about myself). Being a person who cares about lot of things, well like by many, many people. Being a person who doesn't have to hide the truth about life. Being a person who has lots of desire and enthusiasm. Just want to be my real self again.

Why? What happened? How did I changed to be NOT MYSELF.

It was actually very easy and happened without you even realized. Every each of us has our own rules in life and certain principles that you stand on. You have your own beliefs system but when we have to go against it to adapt yourself to the new environment, it will create a conflict in yourself. In the beginning, it doesn't interfere much with your life and you don't really feel the uncomfortness  or the unhappiness because you were just to busy trying to adapt yourself to your new environment. But, after a while, once you feel that you are adapted to the environment, you'll still feel something is just not right. You don't really feels that you fit into the new environment. You don't really feel happy with what you are doing.

This is what's  happening to me. It's truly my fault ...... I know. I let myself go against my principles. I'm doing something that I feel that is not right to do. I bend myself towards the wrong way. I put my beliefs behind me just because I want to adapt to my new environment. Basically, I'm just doing things for other people with how they want it without thinking or putting my side of input. I'm doing it even when I realized it is not the way it suppose to be done.

I realized now that I've made a mistake. I'm trying to correct myself and do the right things. There are lots of  your self qualities that you should maintain and keep in order to main your  real self. We shouldn't change ourselves for any people or because other people. If we need to change ...... then, change for yourself, because you want it and for the better future.

So, my friends ......... just be your good self. Believe in yourselves. Hold to your principles.

Happy New Year!

Taking risk in life ...... is it worth?

Life is about taking risk. Many people would agree but some others may not agree with the statement. Some people are just not a risk taker. They are people who sticks with the routines and comfortable with what they achieved and what they have.

Some may says that if you don't take risk, then you won't be successful. Is that true? There are people who are successful and they don't take risk or maybe just a minimal risk. They just do things according to the rules and make it as their routines. No risk but yet successful or maybe they are just lucky.

Some may say, if you don't take some risk, your life will be boring. How true is that? Honestly, I can't really comment on that. I know a person who is not a risk taker but he is totally happy with his life. He never said that he's bored with his life. So, we can really say that no risk taking means life will be boring.

Some will say, if you are willing to take more risk, then you'll achieve more and be more successful. I actually quite agree with this. Seeing Tan Sri Tony Fernandes, how he risk his music business to be successful with the Air Asia business. I really envy his bravery and his effort.

People take risk to achieve success in life but there are people who already achieved most of the things in their life but still taking risk just for pleasure. They risk their family, friends, relationship or even their job just for fun. Just to have some extra pleasure for a very short time.

Whatever the choice, whether taking risk or not, people have their own reason on making their choices. Personally, I believe, you'll never free from encountering some kind of risk when you are living the life. I do realised that I'm also risking some of the things I love in achieving what I want. Maybe not as much as Tan Sri Tony Fernandes but it's quite significant for me.

I'm not regretting for whatever I have risked. I'm just looking forward with my life. The only question that keep ringing in my mind is ......... is it worth?

Unlimited imagination

Yesterday, one my friend said that I am a very imaginative person. Alhamdulillah (Praise to Allah) that at this age ( after 40 ), I'm still an imaginative person.

Imagination is something that everybody has it and it seems to be more during the childhood time and it reduces when we get older and at some point, there are people who totally lost it. How can that happen? I don't know. I can't even understand how people can live without having imagination.

When we were children, we have a lot of imaginations. One day, we can just be happy and imagine that we are in the castle and being a spoil little princes and the other day, we can just imagine we are the police trying to catch the bad people. Hhmn ... how nice. Nothing seems to bother with our life but that is just a childhood imagination.

Then, we start using our imagination with some effort to make it true. We imagine, we dream and we work for it. We imagine things that applicable and being more rational with our imagination. The imagination force us to be more creative and committed in making what we imagine into reality. At this point, we start achieving most of the things that we imagine in our life.

We feel happy with our life and what we achieved. We continue the routines, we stabilised but for some of us, we stop imagining and stucked with the routines. Our brain get lazy and lazier each day. Not to say that we get lazy to do thing in our life but for some people, the get very lazy to think about new things. They claimed that they are very comfortable with what they have. Everyday life will just be as usual and nothing unusual can be found.

How does that sound? Interesting...? Of course not. Maybe, we don't realised it but this is what happening to some of us. Life is just the usual or actually it sounds so boring. Why? Because we are lacking of imagination and the source of our creativity.

Why? Why do we need to be imaginative and creative? Maybe, some of us will ask the question. To answer the question, we also need to ask ourselves on why do we need to stop our imagination when we not even dead yet? Yes! Yes, we need to have an imagination because we are still alive. Our life change in every second, in every breath we take .... that's why.

So, why do we have to stop imagining? Does that mean we want to stop dreaming and stop living. There's no borders for imagination. It's unlimited, just like the unlimited internet broadband but it's even better because after all, it's free.

Nothing to blame

The last few months I don't feel motivated at all. Sometimes, I don't even feel like doing anything at all and few times I feel like giving up whatever I'm doing. It is just not like me at all. I was not like this. I'm suppose to be a women full with desire. Full with all the positive aura, always looking forward and happy with what I'm doing. So, ...... what happened?

Then, the normal thing to do first is to reflect on what had happened. So, I keep reflecting, reflecting and reflecting but just couldn't find the source of the problem. I'm in a very serious problem now because this feeling has been dragging me down and down. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm so low. No desire to get myself to do something new or something extra. It's really bad.

I know ....... it's very important for us to know the source of the problem in order to solve it but what happen if you can't find the source. Is that mean you'll be forever in the problem .... without solutions? At least, I thought that was it until yesterday. Yesterday,..... yes. Yesterday, I read an article in the newspaper about how cooperation bind us but it was not the cooperation topic that catch my eyes but how the author write about how we always we refuse to cooperate and blame on others when thing goes wrong. Does that sound familiar?

Yes ..... of course. We always blame the uncooperative people in out team for not achieving the goals but why bother (as what the author says). Yes, why should we bother too much on the uncooperative people. If they are not so cooperative, so, we should increase our cooperation.

So, applying what the author said to my problem now. Doesn't matter whether I found the source of my problem or not, I have to turn my feelings 360 degree now. Don't blame on anybody or anything. I'm not happy with myself now ....... I'll find something that will make me happy. I don't agree with some people in the work place ........ I'll work more with the people I like or I agreed with. Just focus more on how to be positive and feels good about myself rather to find the thing that making me miserable ...... maybe ..... at the moment.

The thing is ....... focus on the improvement. There's nobody or nothing to blame.

Communications ...... keeping it the traditional way

Eid Mubarak or Selamat Hari Raya everybody!

I love Hari Raya. Of course it's different compare when we were children but having everybody together on the Hari Raya morning, asking for forgiveness from each other and having breakfast together at the same time on the same table. These are some of the things that you can't really find it on most of other days. It gives you such a very nice feeling.

It's already 5th of  Syawal and it's Saturday. Most people starts working today. It's Monday. My brother and my sister came back from their in laws hometown last Saturday.  Everybody gather at my parent house. Just imagine, with 6 brothers and sisters, 5 nieces and nephews, 3 in-laws and not to forget ...... my parent, the house should be very, very noisy with people talking, children screaming or with whatever activities, right. At least, that was what I imagine how it should be but instead, it was so quiet. Everybody seems to be very focus on what they were doing. And what were they doing .....? Communicating with the world.
 
Yes! Communicating .....! They were communicating with the world with the internet and the social network. They were communicating ....... but not talking. They chat online but not with the people besides them. They rather send text messages on the phone then talking on it. The rather smile to the screen then smiling to the people next to them.

Aargh!!! I just don't get it. It's a phenomenon. It's not just with my family but it's happening everywhere ... anywhere. Sometimes I feel like humans are getting crazier each day. Is it because of the technology or just because of the modernisation. Maybe, I'm just too old fashion and not able to keep myself with the modernisation and the changes.

Last month, before the fasting month started, I saw a couple at a coffee shop having their coffee together. It's kind of romantic .... to have coffee together before going to the office. But ....... this couple, each of them were browsing their netbook and not even talking to each other. So, why bother to have coffee together when you are not interested to chat with each other. Again ....... I just don't get it.

Last week, I read a news in the internet where a bridesmaid attended her best friend wedding via iPad. I'm speechless. I just can't give any comment on that. If I was the bride, I prefer my best friend to be next to me physically. So that I can hug her to share my happiness but different people has different perception. I can't argue with that. Maybe I'm just too old fashion.

Last few years, there was a case of a teleconference wedding. This couple stay apart of each other but they want to get married. So, the solemnisation was done via teleconference. Let us just think for a while here, if you can't be together why bother to get married in the first place.

I admit. I'm a very old fashion person when it comes to communications. I believe in the eye contact while talking. I believe in listening to the voice tone to feel the warmth, caring, happiness or even sadness. I believe in the voice therapy and it's really good for your soul. Sometimes, it's good to be quiet and just send some text instead of talking is still a good therapy.

There is nothing wrong with the use of the technology but we must also remember that some of the things is still better to do the the traditional way. Keep communicating but don't stop talking to each other. Show that you care. Pour it with your loving voice. Keep the traditional way.

First impression

It only takes seven second to make a first impression.

I always remind my students about how important a first impression is but it doesn't seems to stick into the mind of this new generation. As a professional, I always try to look as professional as I can but I love to dress up anyway.

People do judge you from what you are wearing. They may who you are from what and how your wear. As for me, I know people do look and judge me from what I'm wearing  or even with the colour of my dress because they do make a comment about what I'm wearing. I don't really mind about it because it reminds me to always look at myself and to dress properly. So, dressing up is one of the important aspect of how our day will be.

Today, I saw few students came to the class with faded, crumpled jeans with non-ironed T-shirt and slippers. Looking at that kind of dress up ............what will be your first impression? Me ....... ? I would say .... they look like they are working at the night market . They don't even look like a student to me. Just imagine, they are the people who are going to be a nurse. A person who's going to take care of other people ......????

Maybe, you would say that I'm just being old fashioned. Not keeping myself up to date. Yes ! Maybe I am an old fashion person. (I'm getting old anyway). I don't care what people wan't to say about my choice of fashion  but I do believe, we must dress according to the situation and occasion. Doesn't matter how up to date you are, you must still follow the rules, the culture and the norms. If you are a student, then portray yourself as a student. If you are going to be a professional, then learn how to dress like one. Do not give the chance for other people to put the negative impression on you.

Please, please ..... take care of yourself. Always try to put a good or positive impression on yourself. People might not know you but from the way you look, they might want to get to know you or might not want to know you at all. And the thing is, people will only get to know you after they see you. So, make sure that they see you well, have a nice thought about you and want to get to know you.

So, first impression counts.